8/19/2009

All Expense-Paid Guilt Trip


Tonite I am going to meet a gal friend from church for dinner and a movie....while MH and Isaac stay home and have omelets for dinner.

This will be my 3rd time out without Isaac or my hubby, since April. I still feel kind of guilty, enjoying dinner and a movie while my hubby stays home...but at the same time I feel so liberated. As much as I love Isaac...being out without him makes me miss my old life of freedom and independence....and that makes me feel really guilty. But I still miss it. A lot. Does that make me a bad mommy? I hope not. I am grateful that I have gotten to share so many little milestones with Isaac...I just miss having a life outside this house. I miss adult interaction.

I sometimes also feel guilty about the effect on Isaac of being home all the time, with no siblings, no family or friends nearby, and no neighbor children for him to play with. It makes me sad when I see how his face lights up when he sees other children when we're out in public. I wonder if at 14 months old, he feels the effects of isolation as much as I do? I really wonder if it would be best for both of us if I got a job again, and had Isaac attend a daycare program? I think the socialization and educational aspects of this might really benefit Isaac....I know the self-actualization and social interaction would benefit me greatly. I never realized until now, how much I miss working. (Again, this makes me feel guilty....as if I'm a bad mommy). Thinking about all this also gives me a fair level of anxiety...(How going into daycare could negatively affect Isaac with attachment/trust, etc....the worries over germs in a daycare, illness, potentially bad things that could happen while Isaac is in someone else's care....taking off work if Isaac is sick, etc).

So, I sent out a few resumes this week. The job opportunities in our local area are not so plentiful with this economy, but also because we sort of live in the middle of nowhere...and I do not wish to commute for an hour (especially in the brutal winters here). So we'll see....


Moms out there---talk to me...did you go through these issues, these kinds of guilt trips? How did you work through it?

5 comments:

Butch and Tracy said...

Ang,

I go through those "guilt trips" all the time. You know we put them on ourselves! But still, it happens. It has happened with me with all 4 of our kids. I can't remember when the last time was that I went out on my own. HMMMMMM.... I think I picked up my son alone once, so I got a one way car ride alone! LOL.
I want to get out, but just have not had the opportunity present itself.
Just know that you should not feel guilty. I think as much as we love our children we need to have time for us so we can be the best mom's we can. Now for me, I would rather not work. I want to be avaliable for my children all the time. But for some, that is ok. No one thing works for all people. You should look for a MOMS group up that way. There is a national organization of moms.

Well girl... I wrote a lot. I know how you feel... I put myself on the guilt trip everytime I go out. Just the way I am. But I still enjoy any time I get out and about.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

First, don't feel guilty. It's completely normal to want to have a bit of that old You back. I want it to even after 7 years as a mom! It happens...eventually.
For now try googling Moms Club (can't remember the site address). I'm sure there's one near you. They have kid and mom activities but also JUST MOM activities once a month too. Also this site in the past I've used to meet other moms - matchingmoms.org they match you with a mom in or near your zip code and you can communicate via email until you feel comfortable meeting. There's lots out there! Don't despair!

sincerelykate said...

you've been out 3 times since april and you feel guilty? are you freaking kidding me?! babe, you need time to yourself. once a week you should get at least a couple of hours to do "retro" stuff. you'll go nutso otherwise.

i hear you about isaac being a single kid. same thing with porkchop, even though she has gloworm now. there are no other kids in our family. my sister is a stay at home mom and the girls very rarely get to play with other kids. when i take them to the park or beach they get crazy excited to play with other kids and it always makes me sad. i do think daycare plays an important role. even if for only a couple of hours here and there. it's so important to their social development. so i'm glad you sent out resumes. even a part time job would give you some breathing space and isaac some "friend" time.

Mom Taxi Julie said...

LOL I see someone beat me to the "you need to go out MORE".

Seriously you don't have to be there every second of everyday!

Retro Girl said...

Andrea-Thanks for the info. The matchingmoms.org apparently is no longer in existence...but I did find a couple other resources and have sent a request to join (SAHM support/friend groups). There were a couple groups I've been directed to that are in towns within 30 min drive nearby---but seem geared towards moms with older school-aged kids (Isaac is only 14 mo. old).

Mom Taxi Julie--I know I really do need to get out more...and stop feeling this guilt. I'd LOVE to get out more...but when your hubby moves you to the middle of nowhere---500 miles away from all family/friends...and you have no job, and very few if any local friends, no neighbors with kids your child's age---it's a bit TOUGH. Unless I wanna go out alone. :(

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