Tonite I am going to meet a gal friend from church for dinner and a movie....while MH and Isaac stay home and have omelets for dinner.
This will be my 3rd time out without Isaac or my hubby, since April. I still feel kind of guilty, enjoying dinner and a movie while my hubby stays home...but at the same time I feel so liberated. As much as I love Isaac...being out without him makes me miss my old life of freedom and independence....and that makes me feel really guilty. But I still miss it. A lot. Does that make me a bad mommy? I hope not. I am grateful that I have gotten to share so many little milestones with Isaac...I just miss having a life outside this house. I miss adult interaction.
I sometimes also feel guilty about the effect on Isaac of being home all the time, with no siblings, no family or friends nearby, and no neighbor children for him to play with. It makes me sad when I see how his face lights up when he sees other children when we're out in public. I wonder if at 14 months old, he feels the effects of isolation as much as I do? I really wonder if it would be best for both of us if I got a job again, and had Isaac attend a daycare program? I think the socialization and educational aspects of this might really benefit Isaac....I know the self-actualization and social interaction would benefit me greatly. I never realized until now, how much I miss working. (Again, this makes me feel guilty....as if I'm a bad mommy). Thinking about all this also gives me a fair level of anxiety...(How going into daycare could negatively affect Isaac with attachment/trust, etc....the worries over germs in a daycare, illness, potentially bad things that could happen while Isaac is in someone else's care....taking off work if Isaac is sick, etc).
So, I sent out a few resumes this week. The job opportunities in our local area are not so plentiful with this economy, but also because we sort of live in the middle of nowhere...and I do not wish to commute for an hour (especially in the brutal winters here). So we'll see....
Moms out there---talk to me...did you go through these issues, these kinds of guilt trips? How did you work through it?